In the Secret, In the Quiet

An interesting thing happened tonight; it was quiet. I have been battling what appears to be strep throat for the last 24 hours. Ben had it a few weeks ago and apparently my body gave in to resisting. I have been EXHAUSTED! I spent the day at my parents house where they took care of “little man” so I could get some rest and hopefully keep from passing too many germs to him. But tonight, tonight is the real story.

As a family we were all suppose to go to my dad’s house as today is his birthday (Happy Birthday Dad!). Not wanting to contaminate anyone I decided I needed to stay home. Ben decided that he would take Isaac with him and that would leave me some time to rest some more. Good plan.

They were barely out the door when I ran a nice HOT bath. I grabbed a great book (Sacred Parenting) to which the chapter I am on is titled “Seizing Heaven: How Raising Children Teaches us to Listen to God”. And spent some quality time in the bathroom! Alone. In the quiet. No baby fussing, cooing, playing. No crazy baby toys making silly music for entertainment. No music going in the background. No husband humming or tapping or shaking his leg. No television. QUIET!

And all of a sudden it occurred to me how many months it has been since this has happened! I love my son (and my husband), I can barely stand being away from him, but I had no idea how much “space” he (they) was occupying in my life. I am an introvert. I draw my strength (and sanity) from the quiet. Perhaps my lack of quiet is the reason I feel like I want to crawl out of my skin recently? Why has this not occurred to me?

My husband keeps suggesting he watch the little man so I can go “do” something and get away. Perhaps the real answer is that what I really need is for them to “do” something so that I can do NOTHING! (Not that I don’t enjoy a little girl time and shopping – don’t get me wrong).

Anyhoo, I think I learned a valueable lesson tonight. I need silence. I need quiet. I need to be still. This doesn’t mean that I am an anti-social person, a bad mother, or am sick of my family. It means that I am a human being that needs to draw strength from the quiet within. Who needs time alone with God with no one else around and nothing going on.

I still have a sore throat, but my soul is definitely healing.