“Put down the grocery list and step away!”

My husband has encouraged me to write more now that we have a blog. . .you know so people might actually visit it once in awhile! I have all of these friends that write all of these witty posts and I think “what do I have to write about?”. So these days my wheels are spinning and occassionally I think to myself “perhaps I should write about that on the blog”. Last night was one of those times. . .so here is the ranting of my brain.

So chances are if you are reading this you already know about my CAPITAL A type personality. Everything has a time, a place, and a reason. Orderly, organized, planned. That is my life. Well, that was my life before pregnancy. Yes, I have always been aware that once you start having kids you lose control. . .but pregnancy! Come on, I thought I had at least a few more months to order my life!

Here’s the problem – I’m not “suppose” to do much. You know like paint the walls, hang the curtains, overhaul and redecorate the entire house. All of these things I use to be able to do before I was carrying a 4 lb bowling ball on my hips! Not fun for me. Miss Independent, Miss I Can Do it All. A major adjustment for me.

So last evening was another bout of lessons in humbleness and being still. For many years I have had high blood pressure. For the most part it is controlled with medication but add another human being growing inside you and things become a bit more complicated! You can take the medicine, watch your diet, excercise, but come the end of your pregnancy it is just wear on your heart no matter what you do. So  here I am, not in control. No way to really control my blood pressure. Sure I am taking medication, watching what I eat, excercising regularly but what I am not good at doing is . . .sitting still, resting. Just not in my vocabulary most days. Why is that so hard? Why can’t I just say no? Why is it so hard to sit still?

After my weekly (yes, weekly) pregnancy meltdown; I agreed to let Ben go to the grocery store for me. Okay, “so what” you say. Um, not for me. See it wasn’t just a milk and bread run, this was a full out grocery list. Ask my mother, I have been in control of grocery shopping since about the age of 8. I use to travel to the grocery with my mother and “organize” the cart (no lie!) while she put items in. We packed a lot of groceries in that cart! So you see, letting my husband handle the groceries was a major milestone for me.

So I am pretty sure at this point that God is teaching me to be still, be quiet, shut my mouth, and stop “doing”. All of which is VERY difficult for me. I am, of course, thankful for my husband who is patient with me. And who knowing what a control freak I am not only volunteered to go to the grocery store but suggested I could go if I was willing to ride around in one of the electronic carts (uh, I don’t think so)! But I am learning. Learning what it means to really rest, learning that I don’t need to be in control, learning that someone else in the world actually CAN purchase groceries effectively! I suppose this is just one of many things I will learn on the journey to being a mother. I just hope I get better at it soon.